Reflections

Last night, my sister left. For America, to study her masters and fulfill her dreams to become an interior designer.

In my family, we constantly have to cope with saying goodbye and leaving. This is just one example. I still remember that time, around five years ago, the same sister Nienming had to go to Japan for some internship, lasting 7 months. Before she left, it felt like seven years. Now it is nothing. While Nienming was gone, I still had my sister Nienhaw, Nienming's twin. But I regretfully did not cherish my time with her and we argued alot without Nienming being the peacemaker. There were childish times when we refused to talk to each other, haha. Now I half smile and half cry just thinking about it.

Just three years later Nienhaw went to Japan as well, leaving Nienming and I behind. And then she met Andreas, and later Long long. They got married and are now staying in Japan. We are forbidden to see her because of my dad's temper. But recently she gave birth and Nienming was allowed to see her. That was a breakthrough for us. Sometimes she would come and visit, but it is so different now.

My last few hours with Ming before she left for the airport was extremely unpleasant. She scolded me and said, "This is the last time I can tell you how to grow up." I was sick with a fever, so I couldn't go to the airport to see her off, just to get extra time with her. Instead we said goodbye at home. She gripped my shoulders and told me to be strong, to not be depressed so easily. I could only trust myself to nod, as tears were threatening to spill out of my eyes. She hugged me fiercely and said, "I have so many things to tell you...but its okay if I don't. I'll leave all the growing up to you. I don't know why I'm so harsh to you all the time, I really don't. But I love you very very much, okay?" It was no use. I was already crying. She kissed me on the cheek and I could tell she was also on the verge of tears. What I felt most that night was regret. Why didn't I spend more time with her? It was the same regret that I felt when Haw left.

I could still remember clearly the times when we were all in our room, dancing and singing. We played 'guess the song', our favourite cds were Josh Groban and The Enchanted Garden.

When I myself leave for USA, what would happen to everything? I am afraid.